whatafuckinfamilypicture:

vodkaandsedatives:

the worst text I’ve ever gotten: “K”

me: “k? k what? the letter before L, the letter after J? did you know that in JK, the K stands for “kidding”? so your reply is “kidding”? or K as in potassium? did you have some Special K for breakfast? K, as in K/O? can I knock you out and feed you to some sharks? sharks has a K in it.”

me

whorville:

You don’t need a spoonful of sugar to make me go down

oreoprince:

I FUCKING HATE WHEN PEOPLE POUR KETCHUP ALL OVER THE FRENCH FRIES INSTEAD OF A DESIGNATED CORNER AND THEY OFFER ME SOME LIKE NO FUCK YOU AND YOUR TAINTED FRENCH FRIES

tara-delonge:

SO I WENT TO OPEN A CAN OF CHOPPED TOMATOES
NOW IM NO FUCKING EXPERT
BUT IM PRETTY FUCKING SURE THESE ARE PEARS

A victim of Hydrogen Cyanide poisoning. 

April 19, 1993

bravelittlecastiel:

angelwithscarsonherwrist:

odair:

funerals are so depressing. i want a parade when i die. cupcakes. airhorns. dancing. maybe even a murder mystery game with me as the person who was murdered. 

you want to put the fun back in funeral

#lets play pin the tail on the corpse

toujiii:

Forehead: Friendship
Closed Eyelids: Thankfulness
Tip of nose: Good luck
Cheek: Happy to see you
Lips: Love
Earlobe/Neck: “I want you” , Lust, Desire
Top of hand: Respect, loyalty
Computer screen: I love you but I can’t ever have you (because you’re not real)

comic-chick:

kickthebuscus:

misspjliguori:

sophege:

misspjliguori:

sophege:

if you dont like peeps get the hell away from me

do you mean people or is there something american called peeps

either way *gets the hell away from you*

THE FUCK IS THAT IT LOOKS LIKE CANARY SHIT I’M LAUGHING SO HARD

hey now you have not liVED until you’ve had a peep ok

Wait, did we do it? Do we finally have something other countries don’t have/know about?? We’re not the ones who are out of the loop for once?

acid-daydreams:

diseasia:

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